Pendulum.

That's just how I feel, like a pendulum. Extreme mood swings.

Losing a loved one, a pending trip overseas, emotional catharsis, some conflict, dilemmas, choices, a lot of coping to do.

I don't know how, or why.

Hopefully time will pass swiftly, and heal in the process.

In thought,

Prayag.

God uses Kerastase?

Thought stuck in my head: I'm bored of conceptualizing God to be a serene figure in flowing white robes, with incredibly soft Kerastase hair and a benevolent gaze in his eyes, along with a perfect white smile. I also went to the extent of imagining God with great manicured nails, but that's another story. ;)

Why this boring typical image of God? Why not imagine God to be whomever you would like God to be? (FYI, whomever doesn't allow for specimens like Govinda, Marilyn Manson etc.) Ideally if God were a man, I'm sure He'd be nothing less than a D & G supermodel. If God was a woman I'd vote my life out for Madonna to be God. What awesomeness. I'm sure she's ROCK heaven in her flexible figure and tight bodysuits and sky high heels with extreme music and killer attitude. I'd love to pray to someone like Madonna.

I'm so pepped up! ; My weekly off is tomorrow. Yay. One day of respite from the morbid and wasted atmosphere at that place. Little Rat is quitting soon, I am quite upset. She was my partner in crime, fellow bitch and shoulder to crib on at that place. I will miss her, big time. Sigh. Now who will play dirty politics with me? *sigh*.

I realized that at each of the temporary workplaces I was at, I made a minimum of 1 friend. I miss the girls at FUCIA so much, its great that Naheed and me are still in touch and are as chummy as ever.

I think I have had incredible learning experiences at each of these places. So many lessons, coming across different people, dealing with them, (FIGHTING too :P ).

I have resolved to become a kinder and more supportive person to Better Half. I think its required, rather than me being incredibly selfish and difficult all the time. I will miss throwing tantrums though, sigh. Sometimes I think Better Half also doubles as a parent figure in my life. I guess I can do without everyone except Better Half.

The current situation I face with my skin is NOT making me happy. I mean after spending so much money AND time on this dermatologist, why is it that my face is experiencing break-outs and still bearing marks of a war-zone? Bloody hell, dermo lady needs a kick. I wish I never had any skin issues. I wish I had pristine clear and clean skin, like those Estee Lauder bitches. If only..

Yesterday I watched a program on Discovery about dogs gone crazy; where dogs go mad and attack humans. I'm seriously reconsidering acquiring another pet later in life with Better Half. What if Better Half and me fight and the pooch comes and rips my face off? What if it attacks my belongings, my clothes, my sanity? I think I will perish if such an event were to take place. Hence, I think my plan of keeping potted plants will be achieved. I'll even name the plants and talk to them. Perhaps we'll celebrate their birthdays by bathing them in Evian. Hmm.

I think I want an amazing dark navy blue, military brass-buckled, super slim sharp cut Burberry trench coat. Yes Sonzal, a TRENCHCOAT. I promise to only wear on my trips away from the tropics. :P

I also can't wait to buy that Louis Vuitton Pilot Case in Taiga Leather. The day I get into an airline I'm gonna make my wishlist and work towards it in full power.

Most importantly: current question in my mind - Does lack of sex create unwanted sadistic/loser-ish tendencies in people? Does it also turn them into loyal-blind-I-LOVE-SLAVERY-donkeys?

Watching a fake Katrina Kaif promoting Pantene on TV,

Prayag.

A downpour of trouble.

Yesterday has by far been the worst day in recent times. You know how trouble comes in all at once? That's exactly what happened. Personal + Temporary job problem at one shot = Absolute BS.

I'm quite tired of people. I really am. So much so that I lack any kind of patience or consideration towards anyone's feelings/thoughts/other nonsense. My temper may be terrible, but to instigate me and make me waste all my energy at you, is pointless. Also the fact that you make me say dirty horrible things which I HAVE to say to shut you up so that you don't end up chewing my brain and causing me to enter a coma.

What's even more hilarious? Going and telling on me to common allies and then getting me told off, etc. Well guess what, I don't feel bad. Instead, I feel even more bitter and unapologetic for what I said in anger (which I didn't mean). Why does this high school teeny bopper mentality never end?

I think I've had too much drama when it comes to people and fighting, to really give a rat's arse anymore to what anyone has to say or do. I'm fucking tired of explaining myself and being at the receiving end of things. I don't want to see reason, and neither do I want to get out of my "childish" ways. LET.ME.BE.

Temporary workplace added to the existing drama of last night with Ms. Horse-Tail-Hair messaging me about how I left the store on time and didn't wait for colleague, who conveniently decided to stay back till 11.30 pm since he was carried away and FELT like doing extra work. So how does that become my problem? And why am I being made to face the music for that? Either ways, today at work I have to listen to her bickering, perhaps yelling, and keep quiet. Oh well.

Navroz dinner plans are scheduled with D tomorrow. In the midst of all this madness, meeting her and sitting quietly somewhere, is something I highly look forward to. I don't want to be around anybody, I don't want to talk, I don't want to hear, I don't want to know. I just want to be left alone, minding my own business and not really getting involved with anyone or anything.

Suddenly the Bangalorean prison seems to be such a perfect escape. However, escapism is no longer me. Even though I may be highly tempted to take that option and act. I think its best to fight it out, in true fightercock style, and remain the undisputed champion of facing trouble and managing to stay sane throughout.

And frankly its always best to ensure that nobody is indispensable in life. Makes things a whole lot easier. I may still be a bit angry at the moment, but I will definitely NOT forget all this, neither will I let go.

Hoping for a sunny morning after this sudden intense gloom,

Prayag.

Predators and Aisha, Bitches and more.

So the past week saw me at the multiplex watching Aisha and Predators in a span of 48 hours. I enjoyed both movies thoroughly, Predators especially *surprise surprise*, with dread-locked aliens who spew green blood and make weird noises, and hilarious reminders of a certain old cow running around with a butcher knife slaughtering swines. Thankfully this time there was no sequence of the aliens having sex and screaming/moaning/whatever you call it. Phew.

Aisha had fabulous fashion and HOW. Too bad Sonam Kapoor's attempts at channeling her inner Blair turned out to be such a dud. An overload of Dior + Chanel + Manish Arora was overshadowed by the poor acting and a weak script. I didn't quite understand how Aisha was branded "judgemental" and "selfish" when all she did was try and play Stupid Cupid and of course, again, TRY to be Blair. I love Blair, for the record. :D

The workplace is as amazingly rotten as ever. The 24/7 PMSing cow vents her ire at the little pesky mouse, who squeaks in retaliation and plants time bombs of disaster here and there, obviously masterminded by fantastic me. I think I deserve a pat on the back and an Oscar award for brilliant performances at work; be it a filthy and aggressive verbal showdown, or a flood of self-pity and sympathy gaining, I've done it all bitches.

S has become my shrink these days. I routinely spill my inner maladies and worries to her, whilst she sits and patiently consoles/comforts/advises me. May Gaga bless her.

Tarot babe tells me the parents and me are going to battle it out next year, over a certain MAJOR issue. Wow, what fun, can hardly wait for the fireworks. I love tarot babe's fat obese pug "Khaloo". He licked my foot and made me ugh, but then I patted him and all was well.

And oh, bought dark green jeans from Zara yesterday! Friday night is THE night to wear it, we shall drink, be merry and scandalize Bombay. Ah, the magic of S-PO-P.

Lots of love and red wine,

Prayag.

PS: I also feel like a fanatic pilot these days. Constant thought on my mind: I WANT TO FLY!!!! Including terrible and UGH-worthy lines like "I WANNA TOUCH THOSE CLOUDS AND PUSH IN THE THROTTLE, WANNA TAKE THE BIRD UP IN THE SKY AND GREASE MY LANDING". Forgive me S, I know I have committed sacrilege. xx

Banter so far.

S and me are busy getting our stuff sorted these days. That coupled with the hectic and boring schedule that is temporary job, often gets to me.

I'm so frustrated with the whole deal of working 9 hours and committing social harakiri. I hope things change for the better, and soon.

Favorite airline and Po-Mo may soon merge. The interview and all that jazz is coming up soon so I hope the two of them clear it, more than anything.

For the first time I don't feel angry/bitter/discriminated because I've begun to firmly believe that everyone's time comes at its own respective pace. And that its good to be happy for those whom you care about, and still have faith. (Even though a small consolation is that S and me are in the same boat).

Bangalore trip went well. June 28th-July1st. I like meeting the parents for a duration of max 3 days after a stint of a few months since it keeps things very merry and avoids any kind of fighting.

Other than that, 2010 zooms ahead, its July already. Lets hope the year ends on a good note and everything becomes super fantastic.

Prayag.